BLAZING MOMENTS

So while you are sitting in your chair and just doing nothing some of us are on the work bored to death and mostly reading crap. Well I'm one of those and in my boring workday I had a moment of pure genius............... But then it got away. So instead I must write this: 5 greatest moments of our 5 characters

TED MOSBY:
5. Doctor X protest: Self proclaimed college radio scene legend doctor X also mostly know as douche bag Ted organized happenings against racism, injustice etc. And there was nobody there. Except the X. One gigantic FAIL
4. 2 minute date: Now this one is a total success. He seduced dr. Stella Zinman. They started at her office ended after a cab ride 30 feet further, ate something, watched a movie and he got a kiss. LEGENDARY. I'm just surprised that Barney didn't tried to copy that xD
3. The Goat incident: Yes the one when he got in a fight against a female goat in his apartment and he got his ass whooped. Really hard. How hard??? Hospitalized. Nuff said xD
2. The Smurf penis: aka the blue french horn ( but the smurf is better although I was a little surprised that both of them know how smurf penis looks like). Well Ted stole it for Robin on their first date that ended in...
1. I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU: the reason I started to watch this. Total and most brutal way of destroying yours chance on the first date xD But I't was funny xD

MARSHALL ERIKSEN
5. Getting a car- Marshall got his Fiero from his brothers after finishing a few tasks. Like going to a drive-in and ordering 12 cups of coffee naked xD of course his brothers wnt to the restourant before him and stole all the lids. Then poor little dumb Marshall had to put all the coffee around his naked body. Do I need to say that that hot coffee spilled on him xD NO FOOD IN THE CAR RULE
4.DANCERS HIP - The moment when the gang is messing with his new injury and then he starts to justify that it is called like that only because mostly ballet dancers acquire it xD talk about crash and burn. And that face when he realized what he just said :D
3. DIBS - First episode. Marshall proposes to Lily and then they have sex on the kitchen floor. When they finished Lily asks him does he know that there is a Pop tart under your fridge. MARSHALL: No but dibs xD awesome. Ou yea cork eye contact here xD
2. LAWYERED MOMENTS - Barney makes up some kind of fact or percentage or story and then Marshall makes him admit that he made it up. Talk about bad ass :) LAWYERED
1. SLAPSGIVING- now that whole episode is a Marshall pawning Barney. And then that last slap. Tumbling down in his excruciating pain over the little table. Lights out and the song starts. Marshall awesome :)))

JOINT MOMENT (joint xD) - Sword fight. Marshall and Ted got into an argument and started to sword fight. LEGENDARY moment. Can't describe this. Just watch :)))
Well enough for now. The remaining 3 will come later or tomorrow or next week. We will see xD
Until then comment and give your fav Marshall and Ted moments

10 sports so crazy you will not want to miss a thing x

(DISCLAIMER: this is purely a work of fiction and you should not be offended by any thing that is written here. If you are I suggest that you don’t read it. After all this is just a mean to kill some time)

10.PIG CHASING – I think this one actually exists. First of all you need a pig, a large arena preferably a muddy one and a chaser. You let the pig or pigs in a arena and then chaser must catch them while he is timed. My version would include hot girls and jelly instead of mud or we replace a pig with a rhinoceros a really mad one and huge like 10 feet tall. RHINO CHASING :)))

9.CURLING – you ask why is curling crazy. You have a guy that slides a huge rock like thing and then few people go around the thing and sweep. I think this is either related to some cult activity or obsessive compulsive disorder. Either way it’s crazy. And boring. And has very sedative effect. And fun if someone goes berserk with the broom :)

8. FLINTSTONES RACING MANIA – Topnotch racing cars without anything except Jamaican athletics team members that would run inside it. Although it would probably be very boring because of mister Usain I’m so fast that I shit lightning Bolt xD I love that guy. And one more thing imagine 24 hours of Le Mans. super awesome or super disaster, Either way fun :)

7. WOODPECKER SHOOTING – No you will not shoot poor little birds. You will take a small bow and use them as arrows of course xD Why woodpeckers you ask. Because they have sharp beaks. Now I still don’t have an idea for a target but maybe some fat people. That is always funny. And since this one is becoming extremely politically incorrect let’s toss a couple of dumb blondes that will do something. I mean UFC has them holding numbers I think that we will come up with something :)

6.RUNNING IN CIRCLES MARATHON – I think this one is clear. You need to run 42 km spinning around. You get a pedometer (it’s a step counting device) and when you reach 42 k you can stop. Presumably that you finish or that you even start. I think no one would be this stupid but if you see someone I have two words for you. Video CAMERA.

5. LIGHT SABER KENDO – I hope you all know what kendo is. You have two guys ( or girls) with wooden sword that practice the ancient art of handling sword. Japanese origin. Now what if we increase the number of participants and use light sabers. Awesome head falling, blood squirting, burn smelling battle royale. And who ever wins gets the hot dumb blonde that shows round number. Like there will be more than one xD Also in this honorable sport we should remember the fair play and most of all the CODE.

So BRO CODE article 38: Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin ( we shall add here: neither does he light saber his member :P). Except of course if a dude you are fighting isn’t a Bro but a shemale or a Blabber ( a bro that is always in a company of woman, and not that kind of company) nuff said may the Force be with you.

4. POWERLINE HANGING – SHOCKING, SHAKING, MIND NUMBING, SKIN BURNING match today is an idea for a poster. How is it done??? You find a power line and close a electricity circle with your body. Then The one that survives is the winner. Also he has awesome hair. If both of them survive the gentleman will engage in another duel or simply play a game of Broshambo (rock, paper, scissors).

Now we came to the top 3 in this order. What kind of gruesome, dangerous and legendary things we have in store. Well here they are

3. CATAPULT BLASTING – 2 crews with two catapults on different sides. OBJECTIVE: make the other team unable to fight. Either by demolishing their pult or slathering them all. We shall use gigantic rock or explosives. Maybe even sea battles. You toss in with the rock a lot of meat and blood and then when you sink the other team they will be in the ocean and ready to become shark bait. NICE J)) Also I have an idea with the lingerie pulting. Not sure how to pull this off but will inform you if I find a way :)

2.OPERA LISTENING – one more marathon event. You will be taken to the opera and be forced to listen. You fall asleep you lose. You exit you lose. You just need to shut up and listen if you can of course :) have a nice time muahahahahahahhaahaa. Losing players have to take their women to shopping for 3 days straight while the winner will bask in the glory while 3 Norwegian chick bathe him in a liquid of his choice.

1. DRINKATHON - the best, the hardest and the most awesome sport ever invented on this world. This one is real actually and happens every year in mine hometown. Start is at the beginning of the longest street and to finish you just have to walk through the whole street. Simple right. WRONG xD One of the conditions you need to enter every bar on the course and drink first a beer. Then you exit and enter the next one where you drink a real mans drink like a scotch. You should also know that in Croatia you have bars like Sahara has sand. AWESOME xD I intend to enter this year and am currently training. The notorious never ended run.

Hope you enjoyed this one :) some of the ideas that weren’t included but worth mentioning. SUPERHERO CAGEMATCH, PUKING PUZZLES (solve a box of puzzles while you have an unbearable need to puke), UNDERWATER HOCKEY and BEARHAND fighting (no not bare hand but bearhand. You take a bear paw and fight)

Bro tips for scoring at the beach

So this hot hot weather forces hot woman to go to beach and relax and maybe get a tan. So in a true Barney spirit I will give you a few tips to locate, aproach and score with chicks. Here we go.

1. LIFE wait for it GUARD - a very cool job and we all watched baywatch. Guys drolled over those smoking girls but if you watched closely you could see that girls in the series drooled over those dudes with a flotation device (no I don't mean that xD ). First of all lets put this in context. Blazing heat= less clothes and if you have great body thats one plus. Second a man that saves people is a god. Come on boys how many times did you think Mitch is cool almost like Chuck Norris. Third we all know chicks dig a uniform and although you don't have much of a uniform surlly this counts. You don't even need to work as a lifeguard. A good scouting mission to observe their equipment and a trip to the store plus a little of lieing will do the trick. ok +++ action and if you toss in a shark or a natural disaster this exponentionally grows to +++++++++++++++

2. WORKING OUT - I already mentioned this. Hot body = more atention its the same with both sexes. So In the winter and spring grab those weight and lift. It's worth it :) + action. Prep action before the main game. Basically practise.

3. BALL - you seen this in a movie. ball hits the chick and then a guy cames and takes it and makes contact. I have an even better strategy. have your wingman kick a ball and just before it hits a girl you jump to the rescue like a lion and deflect it with your mighty forearm or something like that. +++ action. You have an element of suprise + you saccrificed your life (well not exactlly but you get my drift) for her + you can play a little hurt ergo simphaty card. Triple threath you know it ;)

4. MUGGING INCIDENT - wingman assist. He mugges a girl or just takes her stuff from her towel but he need to make shure the target sees it. And just it happens that a 100 m sprint/ muay thai champion is walking near. By this I mean you xD you chath a thief and take the stuff but he somehow manages to escape. Beware. This is extremely risky. Your wingman could actually be taken down by the true champion and it won't be a good thing to watch. OK it will but only like 5 minutes xD BAIL responsabiliti falls on you so remember the formula. ALLOWED BAIL= year of friendship * 100 dolars. Above is crazy expensive bail xD OK to spice thing up you can and will get a little hurt in this process but will retrive her stuff. And can you imagine something sexier than a hero that was injured when he help you. I think not. +++++ or jail either way good time guaranted xD

5. SUN SCREEN CREAM PLOY - ok the most likely to fail. Basically search for a girl that has a problem with sun screen. If your lucky you will be invited. Other option. Take a board and write free sun screen applying here. Beware of guys and old people. But charity card is applied here. Not only do you care about other people skin but you do it for free and you help elderly. A clean good guy. This scheme is a coin toss. You will score or you will become that weird sun cream guy on the beach. Like you care xD +++ or ---

That all for now boys and girls. remember to have fun and be promiscuous on your holiday you will maybe regret it xD.
(this is purely a work of fiction and fun. Any feminist comment will be tossed in the toilet and flushed)